The Shattered Image

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 calm young woman looking at camera through broken window

Photo by Hebert Santos on Pexels.com

The Shattered Image

The depth of my disappointment is immense,
I truly thought you were a person of integrity,
Whose every action would align, with no pretense,
With the strong character you seemed to be.
"I thought you were better" is too mild to say;
I saw in you a loyalty I sought to find,
A moral standard now just dust and clay,
A shattered image of a perfect mind.

The thing you did, or failed to do, you see,
Was not a simple letdown; "it crushed me" whole.
It was a devastating blow to my reality,
A chasm swallowing my trusting soul.
I had invested trust and boundless hope,
An extraordinary quantity of "faith in you,"
To find it misplaced, I now must grope,
A personal failure, though the fault is true.

Our bond, which I so dearly held and prized,
Was based on a belief in shared pure light.
"I thought we were actually friends," I realized,
Now every memory feels contaminated, blight.
Each moment shared, each secret I confessed,
Feels poisoned by the knowledge I now hold,
That "that's a lie, and it's always been a lie," unblessed.
A friendship's illusion, turning cold.

My estimation of you reached the stars,
"Maybe I thought more highly of you than you think of yourself."
I held you past your self-imposed high bars,
More than you were capable of from your shelf.
I believed you held a goodness and a strength,
A beautiful essence that does not exist.
"Maybe I thought more of you than you truly are," at length,
The gap between the ideal and the actual persists.

My admiration wasn't born from my own plight,
For I appreciated what I thought you were.
I never claimed perfection, or to be the light:
"I don’t think I am special; I thought you were."
I know my faults; I am not so grand:
"I don’t think I am great; I thought you were."
My self-regard is low, I understand:
"I don’t think highly of myself, but I thought highly of you."

The burden of this pain, in a dark way,
Rests on my shoulders for this foolish crime.
"I guess I was wrong to put that much faith in you," I say.
The name of "friend" was sacred, but I wasted time:
"I guess I was wrong to call you a friend."
My error was this desperate, naive dream,
That you would prove me right until the end:
"I guess I was wrong; I wanted you to be better."

And so I cycle through this self-inflicted doubt,
Were my expectations too far out of reach?
"I guess I was wrong, maybe it's just me," I shout.
But the ultimate truth that the facts now preach:
"I guess I was wrong; I put too much faith in you."
I took your potential for your very core:
"I guess I was wrong, believing in you," it’s true.
I can't believe in you anymore.

The desolate conclusion is the clear refrain:
"I guess I was wrong." A simple, crushing sound.
For in your actions, truth gives way to pain:
"I guess I meant nothing to you" that I have found.
The end of my faith is the end of what we were.

More Works by Nancy Ann Creed




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